NEWS FLASH! Sam Sankovitch 71 Dies And 101 String Orchestra Breaks Up Van Nuys, CA. Sam Sanckovitch died in his sleep today at 71 years of age. He sat for over 45 years in the 101st chair position, playing violin, with the renowned 60's musak group, the 101 String Orchestra. Fellow violinist Sven Martin told the Associated Press that, "the bands breaking up, me and the boys just can't go on without Sammy, it would never sound the same again." In its' heyday the group had such LP hits such as: Anniversary Waltz, Moon River, You Light Up My Life, and Tennessee Waltz. The band had fallen on hard times, since Disco made the scene in the mid 1970's, causing them to employ their first ever outsiders, Bass Player, (Noel Redding), and a young strapping Drummer, (Ned Rouse). The entertainment industries right wing called it a despicable trick, to put so many beats a measure, to sublimely cause people to dance, and party. Fans soon agreed. After a congressional committee was created to investigate the scandal tagged, (Musak- gate), Redding and Rouse were promptly fired. Redding went on to play with the wedding band sensation Cakewalk, and Rouse formed the Cosmic Reefer Symphony Orchestra. The 101's popularity waned. Soon they were reduced to playing at VFW halls, and in real, but big, elevators. They forged on, but it was too late for them to relive their prior glory days, in this new musical world of Disco, Hair bands, Grunge, and Rap. In last years most popular VH-1 Behind the Music special ever, entitled, 101 Strings and Nowhere to Go, Sam was quoted as saying, "In the old days it was quite hectic. Can you imagine 101 partying rooms at a Motel 6, with 303 middle aged, elderly wild women walking, and running naked, down them hallways, from room to room at 4:00 AM in the morning? (Don't print this.) Then there was Florence and Bertha Pizzowicz, the infamous Jello Caster Twins of Conklin, Michigan. There was always room for Jello art on the road. Heh! Heh! Heh!...Talk about rosining up a bow! Heh! Heh! Heh. Once all 101 of us flushed our rooms toilets at the very same moment, and I swear Lake Erie must have dropped its' water line level about one foot! When Rolling Stone magazine followed our 1972 tour, we really caused a hoot and a holler in the press, when our roadie Milton Snotbundy drove our tuxedo van into the pool at the Motel 6 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Then we tied balloons together to all of the walkers, threw them into the pool also, then made a pontoon raft, complete with a wet bar, for libations, and Geritol!" Sam leaves behind 13 mistresses, twenty nine children, five violin bows, and one wife. Rumors are running abound about what happened, following his sudden death, to his psychedelic painted Stradivarius Violin. His most recent ex-wife wants to know who Allen Dows is. Please call the Grand Rapids Pus if you have any information on this Allen Dows person. Funeral services are being held at Our Lady With Immaculate Nails Church in Van Nuys at 11:00 AM on Friday morning. Memorial contributions can be given in his name to his favorite charity at: The Send A Wench To Wankerville Foundation, 2534 Schlaggers Row, Wankerville, IN. 57432

FOUR CATERPILLARS FOUND LIVING OVER TWO NEWSMEN'S EYES Associated Pus 2006  There are few stories where the pictures can tell the whole story. These two fair, or unbalanced, reporters have apparently been hosting more than their TV audiences. Andy is seen here sporting two eastern Lepidoptera, while Walter has become liberal enough to host a couple of Buck Moths. Maybe this is why they refuse to work on a real news network, What say you? You decide!

FOR ME? MYSELF?  SVEN MARTIN? THE REPORTER Copyright 2003 Words and Music by NED ALLEN ROUSE Nothing is hard for people to believe except when it comes to God Throw all logic to the wind and find something to believe that is really odd Get wrapped up in foil and pray to a moon Climb to the top of a mountain and stare at some goon I am not some person out of line I am the reporter To me myself and my loved ones I am the reporter Leaders should follow followers should lead Life must be politically correct except on TV Don’t give lawyers the forum to free the guilty back to the streets Just make them room with these perverts and creeps I am not some person out of line I am the reporter To me myself and my loved ones I am the reporter Don’t tell me that a million seller sells before it is written Don’t take away my choices because some idiot gets bitten. Don’t teach that you are less of a person the closer you are to the womb Don’t celebrate disasters and worship their tombs I am not some person out of line I am the reporter To me myself and my loved ones I am the reporter Don’t feed me the numbers and tell me the lies But remember the living to avoid who next dies This is how I believe and you don’t have to agree You go search for your closure and I’ll work on staying free I am not thinking that all news is for me I am the reporter To me myself mostly for me I am the reporter THE REPORTER: MUSICIANS Robert Rouse - Lead Guitar Fred Wilson - Mandolin & Irish Penny Whistle Clara Rouse - Lead & Backing Vocals Dave Rodenburg - Guitar K. Rouse - Backing Vocals Chi Rouse - Baby Cries Ned Rouse - Everything Else & Then Some WHAT IS A REPORTER? Someone who reports their reality or perspective to anyone they live or work with from day to day. It works best for individuals who aren't so easily led. CAN YOU CAN BE A REPORTER TOO? You do not need to be famous or loud. Most people can do it without media and can have an impact. All it takes is looking into your spiritual side and making decisions. HOW LONG CAN I BE A REPORTER? You can report as long as anyone will listen. Remember if no one wants to listen then maybe you can explore a real reporting job on the network news!